On this particular day, I was struck by the clear and pristine beauty of Middleton Beach, while just across the peninsula, much of our South Australian coast is struggling under a toxic algal bloom.
It got me thinking about the different workplace cultures I encounter through my coaching work. Some are clear, positive, and energising, with a healthy, forward rhythm like the Middleton’s waves. Others feel murky, stagnant, and even unsafe, much like parts of our Gulf at the moment.

So, what can you do if you’re a leader trying to make a positive impact within a toxic workplace?

1. Reset expectations around behaviour and accountability:
   Be clear about what good looks like. Involve your people in defining the standards and hold everyone, including leaders, accountable.
2. Model the behaviours you want to see:
   Demonstrate respect, openness, and integrity. Have the courage to call out toxic behaviours, even when they appear in your peers or those above you.
3. Ramp up your self-care:
   Toxic environments can take a toll. Prioritise exercise, rest, and positive social connections outside of work. Without strong self-care, it’s easy to become part of the problem.
4. Focus on what you can influence:
   Change what you can, accept what you can’t, and stay clear about the difference. Influence grows from clarity, not frustration.
5. Know when to move on:
   If the culture has reached a point of no return, look outward. Find your own “patch of coast” – the environment that allows you to thrive and lead in alignment with your values. Sometimes, it’s just across the peninsula.

Even in toxic waters, renewal is possible. But it starts with courageous leadership and a clear commitment to creating safer, healthier currents.

Jo Saies

pbperformance.com.au

There’s loads being written at the moment – words of wisdom on staying safe, remaining healthy, being positive, coping with isolation, filling in time, and keeping connected while we grapple with a world-wide crisis. Please choose carefully what you listen to and what you read in order to keep informed and to manage your personal and our shared challenges.

Rather than add to the volume of words, I’ve distilled my thoughts down to three simple messages; An ABC if you like:

A             Act on what is important
We can’t do everything. The external restrictions placed on every one of us mean we actually can’t do many things. So we have a choice. We need to focus on only the things that are most important, those things that support our most basic core values, and act on those.

B             Be thoughtful
Everything we do and say impacts on others – the people closest to us (both physically and socially), our community and ultimately across the globe. Remember the butterfly effect (derived from the metaphorical example of a tornado being traced back to a butterfly flapping its wings on the other side of the globe). Think about how your actions will affect others, and do what you can to make sure that impact is positive, or at the very least, not negative.

C             Connect
If the crisis has taught us anything, it’s the importance of connection. Our species survives and thrives through physical, social, emotional and intellectual connectivity and interdependence. Connection is the core of well-being. With everything else stripped away, we now have the opportunity to make deeper, more regular and more thoughtful connections to build and sustain more nurturing and fulfilling relationships.

On the days when I wake up and wonder how we’re going to get ourselves out of this, I can feel despondent and overwhelmed. So my touchstone is my ABC – Act on what’s important; Be thoughtful; Connect. That’s me doing what I can, no more, no less, to be part of the solution. And so then I feel a bit more hopeful. Hopeful that not only will we all get through this, but we’ll actually come out the other side better for it. And I feel hopeful that this pandemic could just be the circuit breaker the world needs to stop us burning ourselves out.

Jo Saies

pbperformance.com.au

And whilst it’s tempting to blame external causes, it’s often our own reaction that escalates what might have been a minor issue into nothing short of world war three. So learning how to monitor and regulate our strong feelings and emotional responses is an important component of resilience at both work and at home, and will help us not just survive the Christmas period, but come out of it feeling calm, positive and re-energised for the year ahead.

What pushes your buttons?
We all know the kinds of things that trigger instantaneous and often extreme emotional reactions in us – certain people, comments or situations can switch on intense feelings and strong physical sensations which can seem automatic and out of our control. Becoming aware of your personal emotional triggers is the first step in being able to take back control so they don’t have the same power over you.

Be prepared
Once you know what pushes your buttons you can think about and plan in advance what you’ll do differently if (when!) this happens. If you know you always fly into a rage when Great Aunt Mary brings up the burnt turkey from ten years ago, try preparing a few alternative responses you can have up your sleeve to call on in the moment, such as saying something light-hearted, or just smiling to yourself.

Breathe!
When you feel your emotions starting to escalate, try to put a circuit breaker between the trigger and your reaction – the best way to do this is to simply stop and take 3 deep breaths before you say or do anything. As a scuba diver, I’ve been taught how to react safely and rationally to difficult or dangerous situations underwater using the phrase Stop-Breathe-Think-Act. I use the same phrase above the water to help me de-escalate my extreme emotional reactions!

Time Out
We can all use a stint in ‘time out’, not just the kids! Keep your ’emotional thermometer’ handy, and watch out for signs that you’re feelings are starting to boil over. Then make sure you grab some time to yourself and do something mindful – take a walk, listen to some music, play with the dog, even mindfully mowing the lawns (maybe not on Christmas day) or doing the dishes! What-ever you chose, try to focus your attention fully on the activity rather than stewing over Aunt Mary and the turkey episode.

Shift the Balance
Sometimes it’s hard to eliminate negativity, after all, sadness, loss, disappointment and worry are part of life. But even during tough times it’s still possible to experience positive emotions, and creating positivity is often more in our control than we think. Savour simple positive moments, reflect on positive memories, share photos or other mementos with others, consider what’s going well in your life, express gratitude and appreciation, watch a funny movie, read something uplifting, do the things you love to do and spend time with people you really connect with.

Jo Saies

pbperformance.com.au

Recently I’ve noticed I also have my own internal safety manager who monitors my choices, decisions and actions to prevent me from coming to harm. And I’ve also come to realise how much this safety manager gets in the way of me achieving my goals. He’s the voice in my head that says watch out, be careful, danger ahead, go back, not now, not me, are you sure???  I’ve given him a name and a persona to help me take back control!

From working with my clients, I know the internal safety manager might give out warnings like

• ‘better not take on that new client in case you don’t really know what you’re doing’
• ‘don’t tell the interview panel about that important project you successfully managed….they might end up hiring you and you could let them down’
• ‘careful setting those KPIs for your team too high…what if you don’t achieve them?’
• ‘best if you don’t tell your colleague she let you down in that stakeholder meeting…you might look like a trouble-maker for raising it’

Our safety manager serves an important purpose, keeping a look out for perceived threats and imminent dangers. Not only physical dangers, but psychological risks such as rejection, exclusion, exposure, failure, criticism, shame, embarrassment, and humiliation amongst others. His ultimate purpose is self-preservation.

But there can also be high costs of playing it safe, including:

• Dissatisfaction – we may not pursue a dream, a passion or a goal because of the risk of harm, so we stay unhappy in the status quo
• Mediocrity – we might limit our horizons, settling for what’s known and certain in case discovery is uncomfortable
• Paralysis – we end up doing nothing because the risk of taking action seems too great
• Perfectionism or excessive planning – obsessively over compensating to avoid or minimise risk
• Failure – we can unwittingly sabotage our own chances of success because of a fear of failing or a fear of not being worthy of our success.

Safety managers can seem very authoritative and can be profoundly influential in the way we perceive and engage with the world. They may have been with us for a really long time, probably serving a legitimate purpose at one point, but chances are they’ve outstayed their welcome!! We don’t want to eliminate them completely (otherwise we’d all be jumping out of planes without parachutes to establish our capacity for flight). But to lead a satisfying, successful and meaningful life, we may need to do some work on keeping our safety manager in check.

If you think you’re under the excessive influence of your own personal safety manager, plan to get better acquainted. For the next 24 hours see if you can notice even small examples of:

• When does he show up?
• What are the triggers?
• Does he have a voice – what kinds of things does he say?
• Does he conjure up uncomfortable sensations – where and how do you experience these?

Once you’ve noticed the presence of your safety manager, spend some time digging a little deeper:

• What is the potential harm you’re being warned about?
• How does this influence your behaviour – what do you do more of or less of to prevent or minimise the risk?
• What is the cost of doing this?

For example, my safety manager shows up every time I go to write these articles! Right now, he’s saying ‘if you write an article about safety managers people will think the article is lame…they’ll criticise you and you might lose your credibility’. And how do I respond to minimise the risk of this perceived harm? ‘I’d better choose another topic that’s more interesting, more relevant and more valuable to everyone who reads my articles…oh wait, that might not be good enough either…(repeat by 10, feel frustrated and overwhelmed then postpone until another day!).

At this point it’s pretty easy for me to acknowledge that my thinking, influenced by the habitual warnings from my safety manager, is keeping me safe by avoiding the possibility of criticism and judgement. But I can also recognise the cost – in this case, paralysis, procrastination and an inability to complete something I know is important. So now I can weigh up the costs and benefits, and make a mindful choice about whether to heed my safety manager’s warnings about the selection of article topic.

Be prepared for the difficult sensations that might arise when you choose to ignore warnings from your safety manager. Noticing and allowing feelings of uncertainty, anxiety or even fear is an important element of keeping your safety manager in check. Yes, there’s a cost to rejecting safety warnings – it might be butterflies, cold sweats, sleepless nights, feelings of vulnerability or self-doubt. But playing it safe can come at a bigger cost:

• it’s hard to be the effective and influential leader that you’d like to be;
• it’s hard to stay positive, productive and high performing in the face of challenge and uncertainty;
• it’s hard to be truly authentic in the way you show up with others;
• and it’s harder to achieve the personal and professional goals and successes that you’re truly capable of.

Ultimately, it’s harder to be your personal best.

Pay attention to the safety messages, but challenge their validity and choose to proceed with the actions that are aligned with your values, goals and purpose. You might be surprised at how this opens up opportunities for success and satisfaction you didn’t think possible.

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More seriously, I finished my run thinking about all the important reasons – other than public safety – to look up. Every screen staring dog walker is missing out on all those beautiful autumn sights, sounds and smells,not to mention the chance to exchange smiles with a neighbour, whilst at the same time risking personal and canine catastrophe! We can’t smell the roses with our nose in a screen – look up and take in the little things around us that can bring us great joy.

People used to day-dream or make idle conversation in queues, at the bus stop or waiting to meet friends at cafe – now we look (and feel) like a social misfit if we’ve alone in public without something really important to check on our device. Look up and smile at the person opposite, it might make their (or your) day! Drag your eyes away from your screen and be with your own thoughts – we need these times to process the happenings of the day, form opinions, draw conclusions, plan for the future or come up with new and exciting ideas. Look up and chat with the person next to you – it may be an interesting conversation or you could end up talking to your future spouse!

I don’t drive so I’m on public transport every day, and I can’t remember the last time I saw anyone offer their seat to someone who needed it – not because people are heartless (I hope), but because everyone is engrossed in their phone. Children and adults alike fail to notice the pregnant woman, the teenager on crutches or the old man teetering precariously in the aisle right next to them. Look up – you might just notice someone who’s frail, lost, unwell or who’s just had a really bad day amd who could do with a hand, a seat or a kind word.

I’m sure we’ve all witnessed the slightly ironic sight of couples, large groups of teenagers or adult colleagues supposedly enjoying each other’s company at a café or social gathering whilst all are absorbed in the private world of their own devices. Social connection is such an important contributor to our mental health and well-being, yet I fear we’re losing the ability to relate in an authentic and meaningful way to the people we’re with in the real world. Look up and connect with the important people around you. You chose to be with them for a reason – notice the subtle clues that tell you how someone is really feeling, share something about yourself, listen deeply, create trust, and let’s not lose the experience and the joy of true human connection.

I want to end with a much more poignant scenario. This last week two of my closest friends have been touched by suicide. Two beautiful men with strengths and with vulnerabilities who got to a place where they could no longer look up. Their perspective had narrowed to such a point where they saw only one, tragic way forward. When we experience challenging circumstances, troublesome thoughts, painful feelings or a deep sense of hopelessness, look upwards and outwards – not to deny those feelings or sensations, not to cover them up and pretend to ourselves and the world that they don’t exist or don’t matter, but to connect with the people who love, nurture and ground us, and who can help offer a different perspective on the reality we’ve created.

The great Stephen Hawking was wise on so many levels:

“Remember to look up at the stars
and not down at your feet….
if you feel you are in a black hole,
don’t give up – there’s a way out.”

PB Performance

1. Find your meaning
The importance and meaning of Christmas is instilled (and often forced upon us) through our exposure to media, and religious, family and cultural traditions. If we don’t resonate with that meaning, Christmas can be a period of confusion or cynicism. So find your own meaning for this time – I’m not religious, so for me it’s a time for connection, reflection and gratitude.

2. Create your own imagery
Since snow-flakes, angels and an overweight man in an impractically un-Australian outfit don’t do it for me, I look for the imagery that brings my Christmas meaning to life through music, pictures and tokens Take a listen to one of my favourite ‘carols’ Tim Minchin’s White Wine in the Sun (which incidentally, is about connection not drinking!)

3. Connect with people that matter
If Uncle Bob is always obnoxious, and sister Susan cant stop criticising the state of your house, do you really need to do the big family lunch just because it’s expected? Consider doing something different – catch up with the difficult rellies for brunch, then hang out with the people you love for a picnic in the park. Mix it up, so you still maintain connection with those you need to, but you also have some time with people that nurture, love and support you.

4. Manage your expectations  
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or others. Its only a day…the food and the decorations and the presents don’t have to be perfect. If your Christmas meaning is about connecting with others, then this should be your focus – enjoy your time with them, and let the not so important stuff wash over you.

5. Manage your time
Not everything has to be done by Christmas! You don’t have to fit every last job that’s been on your list for a year into the last week, and you don’t have to catch up with every person you know in the universe in December – give yourself a break – schedule stuff for January and beyond, when the world has slowed down again.

6. Take a break
If this is the time you take holidays from work, then make sure you actually take a break – let customers and staff know you’re on leave, organise some back-up if you can, re-direct your emails and put a message on your voicemail. You’ll come back feeling far more refreshed, and be more productive (and probably a nicer person!) having had the down time.

7. Control what you can, let go of what you can’t
You don’t have to go along with everything that everyone else wants to do – you can try to influence decisions about family gatherings and presents and holidays through discussion, and put forward suggestions that are going to work best for you. But then recognise the things that are outside of your control to change, and make a decision to go with the flow, rather than wasting angst and energy on resisting and complaining.

8. Do something for others
Gift giving was once a unique expression of love and care of others, but can now seem an onerous  chore or a race for popularity based on giving the most impressive gift. What else can you do to show concern and kindness for others – volunteering some time, donating to a charity in lieu of presents, giving people the gift of your time, or surprising someone with a random act of kindness?

9. Create positive emotion
What for you, brings a sense of joy, exhilaration, serenity, pride or fun? You may not be able to lessen some of the more painful feelings that come up, but can you schedule some activities that trigger your positive emotions? A walk in the hills, a game of beach cricket, your favourite DVD or a browse through the photo album to savour some happy memories. I love singing, so even though the words in our traditional carols don’t resonate, I still go for it when I can to experience the pure joy of bringing the music to life. And I never tire of watching my nieces’ nativity plays and end of year concerts for that feeling of pride and joy.

10. What are you grateful for?
I do have a personality with a built-in yearning for life and all that it has to offer – this is great for inspiring dreams, fuelling my goals and driving self-improvement. But it can be double edged sword, because at vulnerable times I can focus on what I haven’t had in my life, and the loss can get the better of me. So I know I need to make a greater effort at this time to feel gratitude for the people in my life, my experiences, talents, achievements and character traits, and for the life I’m fortunate to lead. I have so much to be grateful for.

So that’s the recipe that works for me – leave out some ingredients, or add some of your favourites to create your own amazing Christmas delight. Please enjoy, stay happy and safe, and I look forward to connecting with you in 2018.

PB Performance

There’s no explanation for why my sight was affected – it was just one of those things that I put down to incredibly bad luck. But on the other hand, I was also extremely lucky because I was treated by an outstandingly skilled eye surgeon who was able to give me the sight I have today. I’m unlucky that I have only 25% of normal sight, even with my glasses, but I’m lucky that it’s 25% more than no sight at all.

At school it was unfair that I was teased because of my ridiculously thick glasses and nose to the page reading (even some adults still make offensive references to both), but at the same time I’m incredibly fortunate that I was gifted with a smart brain, that I was able to cope with normal schooling, and that I possessed a fierce determination to be the best that I could be.

I could write pages about how sometimes I feel unlucky (that small child who was teased and excluded is still in the background stamping her foot because life isn’t fair). But I could write just as much about the times I feel so fortunate, so lucky and so grateful for the people, things, characteristics and experiences that make me who I am.

So the story I tell myself now is that I’m both lucky and unlucky – that life is neither fair nor unfair, it just is what it is, and it’s forever unfolding. And in response to the inevitable negatives or disappointments, I’m practising being less reactive, by not feeling sorry for myself, comparing criticising or assigning blame. By focusing on the bigger picture of life in its totality, I can be more accepting of what is, inevitably, the roller coaster journey of being human, alive and flourishing.

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Perfectionists set high standards for themselves which are often beyond reach or reason, and are highly self-critical when these are not met. A perfectionist needs to perform at heroic levels and achieve flawless results. This is often driven by extreme fear of failure, avoidance of criticism and negative judgement, or by a desire to please others, to gain their approval and to belong.

But there’s a high cost to perfectionism – do you recognise any of these potential consequences?

• high levels of anxiety – we worry we’re never going to be good enough, and the possibility of failure is always looming
• frustration or depression from never being satisfied with our own efforts or results – like being on a treadmill, we never get to our end point, we just keep setting higher and higher standards then beating ourselves up for not meeting them
• feeling overwhelmed – taking on too much because we’re unable to delegate when we know others won’t be able to meet our unachievable standards
• being highly critical of others who don’t meet our expectations, and so alienating colleagues and those we’re close to
• over-control – trying to excessively control situations or people to achieve perfection
• unable to take pleasure or pride in accomplishments, because they’re never enough..

Perfectionism can be hard to recognise, because it seems natural to us to set and exceed heroic standards. And like many behaviours arising from ingrained thinking patters that once kept us safe and helped as feel worthy, it can be hard to shift.

If some of this rings true for you, here’s some suggestions and reminders –  they’re not perfect, but they may help:

• Start by identifying the areas of your life or work where good enough is OK – does every element of your life need to be driven by such high standards?
• Let go of social comparison – there’s always someone in the world who’s better at something, has more of what we want, or is smarter, thinner, more popular or richer
• No-one is, in fact, perfect
• Although we’re conditioned to judge our own self-worth by socially constructed external markers of success, our true value exists independently of our status, possessions, achievements or relationships
• Set goals that are realistic and personally meaningful – don’t strive for something just because it’s important to please someone else or in order to feed a mistaken belief that you need to be superhuman
• Making mistakes is a fundamental part of being human – recognise and accept that it’s the way we learn and grow
• Think about your definition of success – where did this come from, is it genuinely your standard, and is it now serving you in pursuit of a happy and fulfilling life?
• Painful sensations, including failure and the disapproval or rejection of others, are an inevitable part of being human – allow yourself to experience and accept these
• Get comfortable delegating – let others learn by taking responsibility, practicing and making mistakes, with your support, not your criticism
• Take time to really appreciate your achievements and successes.

The perfectionist’s life is one of striving and struggle, in which goals, actions and relationships are driven by the desperation of avoiding failure, criticism and the disapproval of others, rather than by the joy of working towards what’s really wanted – healthy and realistic goals arising from personally meaningful values. In this sense, perfectionism can be a real barrier to both leadership effectiveness and a happier life. With some awareness and support it’s possible to let go of our perfectionist tendencies, enabling us to live a lighter, freer, happier and more successful life, in which our desire to do well works for, rather than against us.

PB Performance

Sadly, there is increasing evidence that this throw away mentality is impacting our approach to friendships, relationships and other social connections. Thanks to electronic and social media we’re more connected than ever before, but it’s also super easy to disconnect. In a heartbeat (or a finger swipe) we can unfollow, unfriend, reject, delete or even archive any connection that no longer suits or serves us – to quote John Cleese – without so much as a by your leave. After all, why hold on to a relationship when there’s Plenty More Fish In The Sea (as one popular internet dating site would have us believe). Researchers have called this ‘relational disposability’.

Man is a social species – we survive and thrive through our interdependence and interconnectedness. But surely that connectedness involves something more than keeping a compendium of acquaintances, maintained through brief and superficial exchanges in the real or virtual world?

Here’s Dr Brene Brown’s take on connection “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

Deep and genuine connection sustains our relationships, enriches our lives and enhances our wellbeing. There is even evidence that social isolation is more detrimental to our long term health than obesity, alcohol or smoking. But sincere human connection involves opening up, being vulnerable, sharing from your heart as well as your head, giving and receiving love, understanding and support, being able to trust and be trusted, and staying authentic.

It also requires an ongoing investment in the connection for the mutual benefit of both parties. Sometimes that investment is simple, joyous and effortless, other times it takes energy, strength and courage. But that doesn’t mean we simply discard the relationship or upgrade to a new model just because that’s the quick and easy thing to do.

I love connecting with people – it’s part of my job, and it’s part of what drives and nourishes me as a person. Sometimes I’m not very good at it, but I believe utterly in its importance, and always work hard at it.

• If you have loads of connections, why not work at enhancing those rather than finding more
• If connecting doesn’t come easily for you, pick one or two relationships to deepen and work with those
• And whilst the art of connecting involves looking for similarities and sharing common ground, it also means accepting individual differences and the rich diversity within our families, workgroups and communities.

Enjoy connecting or re-connecting over the Christmas and holiday period, and I look forward to connecting with you again in 2017.

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Perhaps there’s just a plethora of unethical organisations, unfulfilling jobs and hopeless bosses right now. Or perhaps it’s because we often need to step outside of something in order to get a different perspective – and a good holiday provides the perfect opportunity to reflect on how happy or unhappy we’ve become in our once dream job.

So before you dust off your CV, draft your resignation letter and plot your revenge on the boss from hell, take some time to really take stock of your current situation, and where you’re at in your career:

• What are the good parts about your job?
• What are you getting out of it right now?
• What are the opportunities open to you if you stay?
• What are the down-sides, and what can you do to influence these?

If you decide that the negatives really do outweigh the positives, and that leaving is the best (or indeed only) option, don’ just throw in the towel. If you do, you risk damaging your own health and well-being, as well as your reputation and possibly your future job prospects. It will be to your advantage in the long run if you remain as positive and productive as you can while you look for alternative work, so here’s a few tips to help:

1. Choose your attitude – at the start if each day make a conscious decision to be positive towards others, grateful for what you have and hopeful about the future (you might need a clever way to remind yourself at key times during the day)
2. Maintain your own standards of performance and behaviour – keep doing a good job, even if others are not
3. Don’t feed the negativity around you – restrain the need to dump your issues on your colleagues, and don’t get caught up in other people’s whinging
4. Remember emotions are contagious – when you’re miserable, frustrated or angry at work, this affects people around you – their negativity then impacts on you, and this can quickly turn the work environment toxic.

Unless you’re lucky, a new job won’t just appear before you, so if you hate you’re job, take some time to plan a good exit. That means staying positive and productive in your current role, and planning what you need to do to find something more fulfilling. If you need some ideas, get some advice or support from a career coach, a trusted mentor, your EAP or HR team. If you’ve reached the tipping point of dissatisfaction, make sure you take some constructive action before you end up making things worse for yourself and your colleagues.

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