Making changes in my life often reminds me of the magnets. Sometimes a change feels effortless, and just sticks as soon as I take steps towards it. But more often than not I  feel like I’m in between the two wrong-way-around magnets, pushing up against something that I know I want, but not being able to move forward no matter how hard I try.

Many people come to coaching describing themselves as stuck  –  either they’re not able to make a change in a specific behaviour, or they just a describe a general sense of stuckness in work or life. Common scenarios are

• I’m stuck in a job I feel miserable in
• I’m overwhelmed but I have no control over the things overwhelming me
• I’m desperate to stop (habit x) but can’t seem to make any shifts
• My whole life is stuck in a rut.

Being stuck is a signal that the change we want or need to make is not so much about simple behaviours, but more about identifying and shifting some deeply held core beliefs that are driving those behaviours. Our core beliefs are like a computer’s operating system, and our behaviours are like the applications we use to get things done. Sometimes we can’t improve the application without downloading a whole new operating system. That takes self reflection, hard work and some discomfort, and is often where coaching can have the maximum impact.

If you’re stuck, here’s five steps to take – it’s my ABCDE of getting unstuck. If you’re leading or managing a staff member who seems stuck, you could work through these steps with them in a coaching conversation.

A: Acknowledge you’re stuck – what is the challenge you want to move forward on but don’t seem to be able to?

Eg I want to be able to delegate more….

B: Be honest – how are you not doing the thing you want to move towards? What are you doing instead?

Eg I don’t take time to coach my staff on new projects or tasks; it’s quicker and easier to do things myself….

C: Claim the Rewards – how do you benefit, or what do you gain from this approach?

Eg things always get done; tasks are done they way I want them to be done; I’m confident they’re done to a good standard; I feel good because my expertise is recognised and needed; I avoid feeling bad or being criticised for mistakes or poor work being done…

D: Discover the Downsides – what price are you paying for not following through on changing this approach?

Eg I’m overwhelmed with work; our team is not achieving our goals; I feel like I’m failing and others are judging me for that; my team members feel disempowered…

E: Equalise – Weigh up the short-term rewards and benefits (C) against the longer term downsides (D); What price are you paying for the rewards?

Take some time with this process, and be kind to yourself – the way you’ve been doing things has served you well until now. Your protective beliefs have kept you safe and secure, so acknowledge this, and at the same time acknowledge that getting unstuck means downloading a new operating system to support you to respond more effectively in a more complex environment.

If you need support in getting unstuck, please get in touch to talk about whether coaching is the right tool for you.

Jo Saies

pbperformance.com.au

All my face to face training has been cancelled
Coaching provides a deeper and more personal learning experience than many group training programs; the coaching agenda is set by the client based on what they need at the time, rather than a pre-set group learning agenda that may or may not be relevant to every participant.

I’m working from home, I’ll have to wait till I get back to the office for any development
Coaching sessions can be arranged at any time and from anywhere that suits you. If you have a private space, whether its at your home office, in your garden or walking along the beach, we can coach.

I’m Zoomed out – please, no more staring at little people on a screen!
Me too. It’s draining physically and mentally if you’re trying to run group meetings or participate in on-line learning all day. One on one coaching can be done via any video call platform that works for you, using your favourite portable device, and means you’re just focusing in on one other person. Not such a strain on the eyes or brain – or ditch the camera completely and just use the audio, tapping into deep listening skills.

I’m completely pre-occupied in keeping the business afloat, I don’t have time for development
This is exactly the time for development; there is no road map to guide us through a pandemic, so we need the skills to lead, manage and work within a completely uncertain and rapidly changing world. We also need resilience more than ever coaching can help maintain both performance and well-being even during a crisis.

I’m overwhelmed with challenges
It can be hard to work out what to do and in what order during a crisis, we’re so busy reacting to the next challenge, everyone is expecting things from us, we’re constantly second guessing, and may be plagued with self-doubt. Now is the time to get some support to help plan, prioritise and get back on the front foot.

Work has slowed right down, I’m finding it hard to know how to productively use my time
This is a great opportunity to use the time to focus on your own personal, professional and career development; identify some development goals, grab yourself a coach and use the time to develop your capability.

I’ve been stood down temporarily while the business gets back on its feet
This is a difficult time socially and emotionally, our self-worth can take a battering, and it can be easy to lose hope and motivation; working with a coach at this time can help to formulate some achievable goals and provide the support and motivation you need to get back on track.

I’m desperately missing human connection
Coaching, apart from all its other benefits, offers deep and genuine engagement with another human being. Coaching validates our sense of who we are, nourishes the soul and satisfies our need for authentic human connection. Who wants some of that?

What are you waiting for? Now is your opportunity. Now is the time!

For a confidential conversation about how coaching can support you right now, Contact Jo

Jo Saies

pbperformance.com.au

But no news is good news, right? Surely if our performance wasn’t up to standard, or we were behaving inappropriately, someone would tell us??? Unfortunately, No! In the hazardous landscape of performance feedback, no news can all too often signal very bad news.

There’s many reasons why we don’t give feedback when it’s needed. Here’s some you might recognise:

• You expect (hope) the performance or behaviour will just improve over time
• You don’t trust your own judgement – you may think you’re being over-sensitive in your reaction, or too harsh in your judgement
• You give them the benefit of the doubt, believing the incident was a one-off
• You’re fearful of the other person’s reaction – will they be angry, embarrassed or upset?
• You just want to preserve the relationship
• It’s not your job to give feedback – you’re the CEO, or just a supervisor/colleague – someone else should tell them
• They should know they need to improve!

So, in the face of all these compelling arguments, it’s possible that an under-performing or disruptive employee can carry on for a very long time, blissfully ignorant of any underlying concerns, until there’s a crisis or it’s too late.

As an employee, it’s in your interests, and in the interests of your organisation, to avert this scenario. Here are some suggestions:

• Demonstrate a genuine interest in and openness to feedback right from the outset
• Take responsibility for setting up meetings with your manager to define and review changing expectations – your job description outlines broad functions, but may not capture current context or priorities, so review these with your manager when you start and at regular intervals
• Document the scope of your work, agreed priorities and what will be looked at to gauge your progress and performance – you don’t need a formal performance management system or template in place to do this – have the conversation and write down what you agree so everyone is clear
• Proactively seek feedback – ask for examples of your strengths (what you do well) and areas for development (what you could do differently, more of or less of)
• Ask if general feedback could be more specific – let them know if will be more helpful to you if they can provide a specific example of when they noticed a strength or an area for development
• Seek feedback from a range of sources – peers, direct reports, clients and stakeholders can all provide a valuable perspective – after all, your manager only sees a small part of the whole you, and should not be expected to be the sole judge of your performance
• If you’re working on changing a specific behaviour see if you can enlist a trusted friend, colleague or manager to help you to become aware of when you’re doing or not doing the desired behaviour – feedback in the moment will be most helpful
• Listen and try to understand the feedback, even if it’s negative – see if there’s something you can take from it before challenging, remembering we all see the world differently
• Acknowledge the value of all respectful feedback that’s given with positive intent, even if you don’t agree with it – this builds trust and opens the door for future conversations.

Whilst it can be challenging to give corrective feedback, it also takes courage, trust and a commitment to personal growth to proactively seek and act on feedback. You may feel vulnerable and exposed, but within a trusting and respectful culture, it can also be incredibly empowering and a rich opportunity for development. You might even learn something you wish someone had told you years ago.

Jo Saies

pbperformance.com.au